Which brings us to this morning's big news: Lindsay Lohan may be pregnant. Because that's how much straight people hate gay people: straight people hate gay peopel so much that they'll harm themselves and harm their own children in order to express their contempt for gay people. Because why would straight people want to get married if gay people were getting married? Straight people hate gay people so much! And this will lead to lots more children being born to unmarried straight parents.

(And, of course, planned-for children with straight parents-they should be allowed to marry on a technicality.) And everyone knows that if you let gay people marry, well, then lots and lots of straight people will refuse to marry. Only unplanned children need married parents. The families of planned-for children don't need the rights and protections of marriage. marriage is about kids, it's about raising children, and children that are planned for don't really need married parents. And it goes like this: since gay couples have to plan to make babies-since we can't get drunk and adopt one night-we don't need marriage.

The anti-gay haters argued before the Supreme Court that marriage needs to be reserved for straight couples because straight sex makes babies.